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# 23765   |   Twitter   |   Liebe   |   24.05.2012 9:36:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

I just want you, that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you.

# 23764   |   Twitter   |   aha!   |   24.05.2012 9:36:11 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

The only thing more depressing than being fat is the thought of being hungry.

# 23763   |   Twitter   |   aha!   |   24.05.2012 9:36:11 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

When your text reply is: “Whatever”…you don’t really care what happens after that.

# 23762   |   Facebook   |   aha!   |   24.05.2012 9:36:12 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

I don't know if hell even exists, but if it does, people that name their children Brayden are definitely going there.

# 23761   |   Twitter   |   Aussage   |   24.05.2012 9:36:15 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

When somebody says "10 years ago" I think about the 90's instead of 2002.

# 23760   |   Facebook   |   aha!   |   24.05.2012 9:36:16 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

That awkward moment when you think you know someone.

# 23759   |   Facebook   |   Aussage   |   23.05.2012 15:37:06 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Those who stop being friends with you because you're having fun; i'm pretty sure they're cunts.

# 23732   |   Facebook   |   WTF   |   23.05.2012 15:37:07 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

If I wanted to steal your boyfriend, I'd already have him.

# 23731   |   Twitter   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 15:37:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

I looked up "idiot" in the dictionary, but didn't see a picture of you beside it because dictionaries don't have pictures, idiot.

# 23730   |   Facebook   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 15:37:11 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

In retrospect, I shouldn't have said "Take a picture, It'll last longer!" to that tourist with a camera who caught me masturbating.

# 23712   |   Twitter   |   aha!   |   23.05.2012 12:59:05 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Don't drink and drive, park and spark.

# 23711   |   Facebook   |   aha!   |   23.05.2012 12:59:05 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Stop sending me mix signals, and tell me how you really feel. I don't like playing games, my heart doesn't either.

# 23710   |   Twitter   |   gemein   |   23.05.2012 12:59:07 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

You're a mystery which no one wants to solve.

# 23709   |   Twitter   |   Liebe   |   23.05.2012 12:59:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

They say that Disney World is the happiest place on earth, but obviously they have never been in your arms.

# 23708   |   Facebook   |   aha!   |   23.05.2012 12:59:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Your story will never be lived.

# 23707   |   Facebook   |   aha!   |   23.05.2012 12:59:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Poured myself a bowl of Muesli and added chocolate sauce to the milk because I am the master of my fate and I am the captain of my soul.

# 23706   |   Facebook   |   Aussage   |   23.05.2012 12:59:09 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

It's not who you know, it's who you choose not to know.

# 23705   |   StudiVZ   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 12:59:10 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

When you have kids it's so much easier to fall asleep when there is noise, like right now they are making a racket and I'm fast asleep.

# 23704   |   Facebook   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 12:59:10 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Coworker: Is Ari your real name?
Me: No its my stage name. My real name's Hung Solo.

# 23703   |   Facebook   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 12:59:11 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

just wrestled my husband to get my phone out of his hand. pretty sure he knows i've got something to hide.

# 23702   |   Twitter   |   unsinn   |   23.05.2012 12:59:12 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Just Googled "how to dispose of dead clown bodies" with the sole intent of confusing whoever checks my search history, should I die today.

# 23701   |   Twitter   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 12:59:12 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

“I used to be self-conscious about my height but then I thought, f*ck that, I'm Harry Potter.” - Daniel Radcliffe

# 23700   |   Facebook   |   unsinn   |   23.05.2012 12:59:12 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

I don't know what my girlfriend means by "I'm not real", we're fighting right?

# 23678   |   Twitter   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 9:35:51 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

To the dude who looked at marijuana and said, "I wonder if I can smoke that?" I thank you.

# 23677   |   Twitter   |   WTF   |   23.05.2012 9:35:51 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Is it duct tape or duck tape? Either way the hooker's in the basement

# 23676   |   Twitter   |   gemein   |   23.05.2012 9:35:52 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

If you can't take my constructive criticism then you're a pathetic loser and you should just give up.

# 23675   |   Twitter   |   WTF   |   23.05.2012 9:35:53 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Once, I calmed a lion, and he ingested me slowly and safely. I spent 2 months in his belly, sharing his food. I emerged with a soft mane.

# 23674   |   Twitter   |   Weisheit   |   23.05.2012 9:35:53 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Sometimes drunkenness is the best medicine.

# 23673   |   Twitter   |   traurig   |   23.05.2012 9:35:53 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Sometimes it's hard to accept that all we're ever going to be is friends.

# 23672   |   Twitter   |   lustig   |   23.05.2012 9:35:56 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Its so good to be high, I mean home.

# 23671   |   Twitter   |   Aussage   |   23.05.2012 9:35:56 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

Ever undress someone with your eyes, only to find when they speak you want to quickly dress them back up again?

# 23670   |   Twitter   |   unsinn   |   23.05.2012 9:35:58 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

I dont see the point in getting older if I cant be creepy.

# 23669   |   Twitter   |   Aussage   |   23.05.2012 9:35:58 Uhr |   |   Positiv bewerten

No one truly care how things affects you until it affects them.

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