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Music can bring back memories that you thought were long forgotten.

When life hands you lemons, feed them to a baby. It's hilarious.

"A broken trust is like melted chocolate. No matter how hard we try to freeze it. It'll never return to it's true shape."

# 22703 | Sonstiges | aha! | 30.04.2012 12:11:22 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

If you work in an office and you hear a distant sobbing sound, it's probably just your soul dying because you didn't feed it enough hope.

If you wake up every morning and say to yourself "I'm gonna die today" you'll always have a good day, well until you die of course.

If life were meant to be fun, there would be tiny little cat-sized bears everywhere!

Guys, I think I've come up with the perfect pick-up line: I've never been married and I don't have any kids.

Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots

# 22524 | Sonstiges | aha! | 26.04.2012 9:03:25 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

If “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is true the guy I just saw get hit by a car is going to be a superhero if he ever wakes up.

Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.

If you stay up late enough, you get a sandwich. That's just how it works.

If I ever have kids I'll name them after the places they were conceived...

"Ocean."

&

"Back seat of my boyfriend's wife's car."

# 22469 | Sonstiges | WTF | 25.04.2012 15:48:21 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

There was a bat in my car this morning, yes a bat. On a side note, I scream loud enough make a bat explode.

# 22465 | Sonstiges | WTF | 25.04.2012 15:48:24 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

So I buried a couple people alive, and ended up getting some dirt in my eyes. Big deal.

I don't remember you being "perfect" either.

My friend, who's watching a game at my house to get away from his wife and kids, is telling me I should get married.

I don't expect men to stand up when I enter a room but I do expect a man to rise when I sit.

# 22316 | Sonstiges | WTF | 24.04.2012 10:09:49 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

I just met you and this is crazy but here are seven cats, please help me shave them.

If you have a barcode tattoo and you won't let me scan you into my shopping then you're everything that's wrong with this world.

# 22308 | Sonstiges | aha! | 24.04.2012 10:09:51 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

I could see myself falling in love and growing old with someone, for like 5-6 years, max.

Studies show that enthusiastically throwing myself onto the bed and yelling out "REGULAAAATORS, MOUNT UP!" at midnight, is why I'm single.

# 22299 | Sonstiges | aha! | 24.04.2012 10:09:53 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

I type things into Google to see if I spelled them correctly.

To be, or not to be, that is the question. I shit you not. ~Shakespeare in a private setting

I haver joined a conga line. Not sure whether to feel proud or add it to my bucket list.

I hate stereotypes, but I really have never met a hot feminist.

There's probably some great stuff at the end of porn movies. Maybe they teach you a magic trick or a word in Spanish. We'll never know.

I'm not too young to have a mid-life crisis right? I can totally go get drunk, bang a few chicks, pierce my nose and get a tattoo. I'm good.

# 21401 | Sonstiges | WTF | 05.04.2012 15:10:24 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

Just tried to pick my nose but punched myself because I forgot that I don't have finger but massive hooves

Caught the guy from next door stealing my newspaper. He calmly said "This is not your newspaper" The old bastard tried to Obi Wan Kenobi me!

When someone replies “NO!” to me asking “Know what I think?” I tell them anyway because that shit's hilarious...

# 21126 | Sonstiges | WTF | 03.04.2012 14:47:12 Uhr | | Positiv bewerten

My mom called me just to tell me she has diarrhea so now you guys have to carry it around with you all day too

The world would be a better place if we were all allowed to randomly doodle stuff on bald guys heads.

You can't run away from your monsters or your demons. They dwell in that dark place inside you. Face them. Fight them. Set yourself free.

Life sometimes does a great impersonation of shit.